He Would Have Made a Difference

In elementary school I was the odd one out. For whatever reason, the other kids picked on me and I didn't have any friends. I never understood what was wrong with me, why I was the one no one liked. It was a very painful experience.

I remember tailing the popular girls all the time. I just wanted to hang out with them, but they made every effort to avoid, ditch me and leave me out of anything they did. When I was 10 or 11 one of the girls surprised me on my birthday with a gift. It was wrapped in bright paper and a pretty bow. I unwrapped it, excited that they had finally accepted me. It was mud. You can imagine how I felt and how hard I cried. Thinking about that still tears me up to this day.

Those girls and boys molded me into a painfully shy and awkward person who craved acceptance and approval from everyone around me. I often changed my persona around different people trying to appear as someone they would like, not that it did any good.

In 9th grade I tried to kill myself. My mom caught me. I still have the scars. They'll always serve as a reminder of how much those people hurt me.

In high school I promised myself I would never let anyone I met feel the same way I felt. I would be friends to everyone I met and let them know they mattered. I still changed myself to fit in with different groups of people.

I tell you this to say that if I had had an Arnold during even preschool, I would probably be a totally different person. Even if he would have been my only friend, it would have made an enormous difference. I would likely be less insecure and self-conscious. I'd probably have a better body image and would hate myself so much. Even now, at 25, I still have no confidence. I still struggle with self-hatred and feelings of worthlessness.

You can be someones Arnold. You can make a difference. It doesn't take much either, just letting people know that you care about them, even if no one else does. That's the kind of person I try to be now. I may not be perfect, but I try to let the people I care about know how much they mean to me. I still have a hard time talking to strangers though, so it's difficult to spread that acceptance around as much as I'd like to, but I'm going to try harder. I want to be someones Arnold. So I can prevent people from feeling the pain and despair I felt in 9th grade and all through elementary and middle school.